The Luck Envelope

The Plight of Friendships

2005-10-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

Staying up way past my bed time, I arrived to this conclusion: no one really cares about each anymore unless there is something up with that person. I am by no means saying this out of spite or bitterness. My point is that through blogs, Friendster, MySpace, etc. we have become impersonal to each other, thus becoming islands in them by themselves.

Not to sound a bit like the Unabomber by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel that technology has really brought us to that point. Stage one of this begins with location. It was a special occasion for a person to come and visit when they lived 10+ miles away. Fancy meals. Much lore to be cherished and shared. When expansion occured and people lived even further away, Stage Two took place: letters via horse or the postal system. Now you could keep in touch with those people further away by simply writing letters to them. Stage Three followed that up with the birth of the telephone. Why visit and actually talk face to face with someone you have not seen for a while? Just reach out and touch someone. And today we are at the most devastating stage of impersonalization: blogs, email, and cell phones. Why find out how someone is doing by actually talking to them and possibly praying for them? You can just read about their dillemas on a blog!.

The tragedy in this tale is that no one realizes what they are doing until an incident hits someone. I truly hope that we can all see how this is not the proper way to live our lives. If we want to help shape the world, we need to physically visit someone that needs a smile. A laugh. A prayer. Because if we don't go out of our way for others anymore, we become like the characters in Jesus's parable where no one helped the man robbed on the road until the Samaritan came along. We only look to our own hearts without realizing how much bigger our hearts can be if we would take time out of lives and carry another person's heart...

Watch out, Phantom! Brian is taking your place!

2005-08-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

Part 3

Instead of studying much needed calculus and sociology, I played too much basketball at the University of Illinois at Chicago. This picture shows the result of what ignoring your studies for trivial pursuits and playing basketball with high octaned mooded Asians gets you. A scar on your face. You probably can't tell since I've been negligent with the sunblock. Wow. My hair was whack back then! Moral of this story: take care of business before gorging on pleasures.

E Pluribus Unum

2005-08-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

Part 2 of an ongoing series that will establish moments in my life that helped transform me into who I am today. This is also a sort of homage to the home I have lived in since 1992. My family will be moving to West Chicago next Friday, August 12th 2005.

"E Pluribus Unum"

For those who barely know me, I just want to start off this daily exploration with this fact: I graduated June 1996 from Streamwood High School. The picture that you see is a graduation picture from Northern Illinois University, December 2004. Yes. I did take that long to graduate from college. It may seem cool at first to be like the Filipino Van Wilder, but let me be the first to tell you that it really is not. This picture is like Michaelangelo's "Mona Lisa". You can't tell if I am smiling out of utter joy and accomplishment or just plain relief from overcoming the years of mental and physical struggles. May it not be the latter!

To graduate from school is a great feat especially for someone that changed majors three times. Physics entering University of Illinois at Chicago. Sophomore year I was Electrical Engineering. And then when I transferred to Northern, I changed it to Mechanical Engineering. I never considered the academic aspect of school to be the challenge. On the contrary, I feel that it was the inner conflicts that caused many a fall towards success. There were so many diversities within my thoughts that I had no idea how to converge them into a whole. And then this phrase came to mind: E Pluribus Unum. Out of the many, one. There was an absolut way to escape the deluge. Faith through perserverance, prayers, friends, family, and most importantly the Divine.

Outgoing

2005-08-02T19:40:00.000-07:00

Part 1 of a series of looking back 10 years ago as an homage of living in my house in Bartlett. My family and I will be moving to a bigger home next Friday. This scrapbook is intended to demonstrate events that took place in my life that transformed me into who I am now...

"Outgoing"

There she is. She being the girl I had a crush on in Junior High and there I was, taking a snapshot of her while she was talking to her mom about cooking dinner for her family. I had met her formally through a friend, whom I consider as a brother, Nestor. I then begun a journey to date this girl because I had found the one I truly love (high school was the origin of much naivity). After two years of pursuit, I finally was able to be in that moment of catching the smile that alluded me for what seemed like an eternity.

Two weeks later. Yes. Only two weeks of dating/talking. It was over. Fin. Caput. Game over. I was devastated. However, I will never forget what she said why she had to end our relationship:

"I need someone that is more outgoing."

I really took those words to heart and into college. After several years of trying to master being outgoing, I tried a different approach... going out of my way for others. And that folks, is why I don't mind going out on a limb for the people around me and the people I don't even know. It started with a breakup, but was pieced together through faith and perserverance...

5:30 a.m.

2005-07-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

I love that glowing sun rise out from the fluff of clouds and how it just feels when I first step out my house. The warmth that the air gradually transforms to because it compromises its ambience; its steady state. How I love that sun rise in Hawaii, but all that beauty a long meadow and league away could not stand in her presence. For home is not therefore a place. No. It is a steady state. A state of when it doesn't matter what time it is or where you belong. Its finding that peace in a brief passing or a casual chat. I struggle to call this place home, but I now know how it really looks and how it really touches. The family that is always growing. The friends who I have known, but always seems to be going. The one I want to care for, but I'll never be showing. All these components have become the essence of what home is for me. At least, that's what I say when it hits 5:30 in the morning...

The Playground

2005-07-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

I stand cold and lifeless on the shadowed concrete, but my shadow stands with me. I see all the other kids around me and think to myself, "What is wrong with me? Why do I not belong?" I later go to the far corner of the playground and wait with despair so that the recess will ring and we all go inside. When will that bell ring for me...

Dear Mr. Golb,
I have good news for you. I can finally say that I am well on my way to this place called, 'Adventure'. I have never been there before since that fateful day on that playground. How I watch as kids with better toys than me would place their heartfelt imagination within the plastic and metal. Then wanting to belong and to be captivated in their imagination, I stole with no regard of decency. The desire to belong dictated how I felt about everything. You can say I feel this way now, my old friend.

I see how everyone is advancing in their lives and I play a small role in their lives. 'There goes that nice guy, J.J.' Or 'That J.J. is a swell person'. Let me tell you, Mr. Golb how I desperately want to shed that layer of who I am. For you see, I want to be a romantic. Not the kind of romantic that woos women with musical lyrics or fancy materialism. No. I want the romance that the heart really longs for. The need to feel that my part in this grand story of life is larger than who I am right now. If it means the sacrifice of friends, then so be it. I now see how they are trying to play their part in this tale and I am just watching them. No longer. I truly need to go through the winding wood where the wind of change howls eerily at first, but then transforms to a sweet whistling. I hope to see you there, Mr. Golb. Where the sun shines bright in the day and even brighter in my heart. I don't know what to expect there, but all I know is that I want to join you. Even if it means leaving that which is comfortable and familiar behind...

The Road Before Us

2005-07-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way."

-J.R.R. Tolkien

The Loop

2005-06-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Golb,

This looks to be the format of most blogs that I have read:

My life blows
I hate something/someone
I need to use this technological medium to yell and scream
What I am suppose to do?

I have my downs as well as my ups, but I mean c'mon now! Is life just a constant loop of brokeness? Or is life filled with many beautiful things that we just do not see because we blind ourselves by shading our vision of it? I believe that a Holy God has granted us time that is truly sacred and precious so that we can rejoice in His presence daily during our trials and circumstances. I feel that He does this so that our faith is truly strengthened and not shrink God down to our circumstances. It is easy to say to God, "Thank You for the blessings!" but I find few people speaking to God saying "Thank You for being with me during my despair". Is not the fullest of joy the mere presence of the Almighty? The nearness of God is something that does not disappear when our days seem dark. Just like the morning sun, the Light is trying to break through the darkness and shine bright within our hearts. But this only happens if our attitude is within the sanctity of worship.

Today, I found out that a coworker of mine received a job that I thought I was more qualified for. I was pretty down about it and pretty much fed up with the whole job search. However, I still wanted to do the best job I could because God has granted me the job I have now for a reason. After work, I called back this number that was unfamilliar. When I called back the lady that answered said she was a recruiter and that she did not call me. She later said, "Maybe it was God trying to tell you something." Then it really hit me:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:10-12

This day may have seemed dreary, but the Lord gave me hope for a brighter tomorrow...

Yours truly,
J.J.

Forever Longing, Nowhere Near...

2005-06-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Golb,

I am writing to you once again with this reoccuring thought: "If only my grandpa were here..." For you see, I have become quite down these days. Looks like everyone is leaving me behind while I remain and sustain to be "Jonathon James".

I remember that whenever my days were interrupted by clouds of strife and the rain of frustration, I could just sit beside him. Then the fading begins. How I long for this right now. I never really had an easy time with maintaining friendships.

I did grow up pretty much alone. Cooked on my own. Rode the train on my own. You name it Mr. Golb. Ah, those days where I can just sit there and cut loose all that was built up within me. Then he would tell me the sound advice. The advice that I can get from friends who I consider brothers and sisters, but I just... just want to be in that calm again. Forget girls... Forget troubles of school or work. Just calm. I really do miss him, Mr. Golb. I really do miss him...

nostalgic for some reason,

J.J.

Revisit

2005-05-31T22:31:00.000-07:00

Flashback 2001; J.J. is 23
EXT. - CHICAGO'S MAGNIFICENT MILE; EARLY SUMMER

Another shift in the Canadian jet stream has produced yet another mild summer day in the "Windy City". Many people have taken advantage of the weather by heading to the department stores. J.J. is with his girlfriend, trying to find comfort in window shopping.

J.J.
So what do ya think?
(stares at a new fashion trend in the window of Banana Republic)

Girlfriend
Umm... that definitely will not do. It doesn't bring out your pretty eyes.

J.J.
My pretty eyes? Am I a male or some metrosexual fashion model?

Girlfriend
Don't be so silly J.J.. I am just trying to compliment you. Besides, you have to admit. Your eyes are pretty.

J.J.
(sighs and then smiles towards his girlfriend)
You're right. Thank you for looking out for me. I don't take compliments too well. So does this polo over here bring out my radiant hair?
(J.J. points to the top of his balding head)

Girlfriend
Oh J.J.. You make me smile all the time.

J.J.
(looks kindly at her)
Let's take advantage of this gorgeous day, gorgeous. Days like these don't come along all the time. How about we head to the Pier. Let's enjoy the sunset and maybe we can throw bread to the ducks and watch their stomachs explode.

Girlfriend
(laughing hard)
I don't know about exploding birds, but I sure would love watching that sunset...

The Results Are In...

2005-05-25T07:59:00.000-07:00

Thirteen random things you like:
1. Goober Grape
. Racing the sunrise while driving to Northen Illinois
3. Screenwriting
4. Looking for shooting stars
5. Listening to little kids
6. The sunrise in Hawaii
7. Cinematography
8. Attempting to dance in a humid rainy day
9. Seattle; though I have never been there
10. Farm animals
11. Spontaniety
12. Helping out my friends, family, and especially those in need
13. Racing games

Twelve good movies:
1. The Princess Bride
2. It's a Wonderful Life
3. The Empire Strikes Back
4. The Passion of the Christ
5. Saving Private Ryan
6. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
8. Casablanca
9. The Shawshank Redemption
10. Singing in the Rain
11. Spider-Man 2
12.Groundhog Day

Eleven good bands/artists:
1. Shane & Shane
2. Joss Stone
3. Coldplay
4. Starfield
5. Chris Tomlin
6. The Nestor
7. B.B. King
8. Radiohead
9. Run D.M.C.
10. Led Zeppelin
11. Breathe... heh heh

Ten things about you ... physically:
1. Bald
2. I have been told that I have pretty eyes, but I don't see it
3. I have been told that I have thick lips, but I feel that they're normal
4. Pudgy feet
5. Pudgy hands
6. Big nose
7. Medium build
8. Device in my heart
9. Tons of moles
10. Random facial hair

Seven favorite drinks:
1. Dole Pineapple Orange Juice
2. 7-Up
3. Panera's Chai Latte
4. Red wine
5. Mike's hard lemonade (with a steak... mmm)
6. Bottled water
7. Arizona Green Tea

Six Things that annoy you:
1. Impatience
2. Cars tailing me when I'm already going 30 over
3. Braking on the street like they are a strobe light
4. People who preach tolerance when they are actually the most intolerant people
5. How my past catches up to me
6. New York

Five things you touch everyday:
1. Laptop
2. The Moto
3. Keys
4. Steering wheel
5. mouth cleaning utensils

Four shows you watch:
1. Cubs baseball
2. Lost
3. Battlestar Galactica
4. Stargate SG-1... yes, I am a nerd

Three things you look for in a girl:
1. Strong, but not headstrong
2. Caring and sweet
3. the heart of Christ (which sums up everything in a nutshell)

Two things you hate:
1. Chicago winter
2. when people are not on the same page

One thing/person you love:
my grandpa... definitely miss watching Cubs games with him

"On a day like today, I looked at you and I..."

2005-05-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

EXT. - Millenium Park; midday early summer

The sun is painted still against yet another spotty sky. It's bright orange glow melts into the lake and two people are alone in a usually busy park. J.J. takes a moment to look at who he is with.

J.J.
thinks to himself
Finally. I can't believe that smile and those eyes are here right now with me.

Do you feel cold, Jill?

Jill glances at J.J. with innocence, but strong radiance

JILL
No. Not really. I feel strangely comfortable right now.

J.J.
I have to tell you something Jill. I just don't know where to begin.

JILL
You are definitely scaring me, J.J. Is everything okay? You're not dying are you cause if you are, I'm gonna kill you myself!

Serenity

2005-01-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

Once...

our eyes met for just that moment. That moment.

Twice...

my heart stood still and calm for that moment. That moment.

Third...

times the charms in that familiar smile; forever in a moment. Oh, that moment.

At last...

she's here in my arms for every moment. I will forever cherish that moment...

Snowed Inside, Never Outside

2005-01-05T22:17:00.000-08:00

EXT. - BLOOMINGDALE, IL; BARNES AND NOBLE BOOKSTORE; LATE AFTERNOON
INT. - COFFEE TABLE ALONG WINDOWS

J.J.
It's days like today when I can feel you with me. A cold, downcast day like today. Much like the day when you gave me that gift you made. To anyone else, it would just be some origami piece that an 8 year old can make when his teacher is not paying attention. As for me, it was just... special.

Especially from you. You who can make a dreary day like today, a lot brighter.
Much like the smiles that you and I share for what seemed like a lifetime; finding the solace and serenity that you and I needed after a tough week for both of us. As I stood a little bit away from you, for a second I felt your closeness and I began to tremble. Fearful of what to say next to you, I lost all thought. Then it came to me. You must be an angel. Standing delicately on the ivory filled ground, the snow seemed to adorn you. Even the noise around us from 5 o'clock traffic seemed to fade suddenly. You must be an angel...

The Genesis of A Different Kind

2005-01-04T23:40:00.000-08:00

EXT. - HALIEWA, HI; SUNSET

It is another gently cool ocean breeze upon the beach combers of Hawaii. Most surfers have left the area, with only a few still finishing their runs at the modest waves. A couple passes in front of J.J., creating a portrait of two pairs of romantics: the couple looking tenderly at each other and the fading yellow crested sun falling into an endless horizon.

J.J.
I am finally here. Far away from it all. A life that I once knew. A cold life. A hapless life leading to nowhere. But where am I now? Where am I in my mind? Even more confusing... where am I in my head? Isn't this the place that I wanted to be? I wanted to leave the stiff frost of Chicago and all my memories behind, but now they just seem to invade me. Sneaking past my tranquility. After all I have done, sacrificed to get here in paradise, all I can think about is her.

J.J. looks intently at his bag, eyeing something within but not seen.

The last time I saw her, it was snowing. The dancing snow speckles seem to advance carefully around her. We were walking. I don't remember the where or the why, but it didn't matter to me to begin with. All that mattered was that we were walking together in that chill afternoon. I could not pull my eyes away from hers when she would turn to me and ask me something.

EXT. - CHICAGO, IL; LINCOLN PARK; WINTER; ONE YEAR AGO
Lynn
Don't you wish you can get away from all of this? sighs Somtimes I really wish I was somewhere else. A place where my heart can be free of this burden of expectations. Do you know what I am talking about, J.J.?

J.J
smiles comforting her Whenever I feel cold like I do right now, it makes me think of emptiness. That abyss of longing in my heart. Longing for adventure and the romance of nature and it's unexplored beauty. turns to frozen Lake Michigan I definitely know what you mean.

Lynn
I'm glad that you do know what I mean, J.J.. Oh! I made something for you! So that we can remember this day!

J.J.
Yeah? What is...

LYNN throws her newly made snowball at J.J.

No thanks! I think I will return it to sender! A snowball 'fight' ensues and then both become worn out from the fray and fall to the snowy ground.

Lynn
continues to laugh a little I'm sorry J.J. Actually, I'm not! I really do have something that we can remember this day though. It's more of a 'thank you' gift of sorts. For our new found friendship. she pulls out from her bag a small gift and presents it to J.J.

J.J.
smiles as he looks at it Thanks, Lynn. I'll never lose it...

EXT. - HALIEWA, HI; SUNSET
pulls out the small paper crain And I never will forgot you... stands and looks at the sun steadily declining