The Plight of Friendships

Staying up way past my bed time, I arrived to this conclusion: no one really cares about each anymore unless there is something up with that person. I am by no means saying this out of spite or bitterness. My point is that through blogs, Friendster, MySpace, etc. we have become impersonal to each other, thus becoming islands in them by themselves.

Not to sound a bit like the Unabomber by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel that technology has really brought us to that point. Stage one of this begins with location. It was a special occasion for a person to come and visit when they lived 10+ miles away. Fancy meals. Much lore to be cherished and shared. When expansion occured and people lived even further away, Stage Two took place: letters via horse or the postal system. Now you could keep in touch with those people further away by simply writing letters to them. Stage Three followed that up with the birth of the telephone. Why visit and actually talk face to face with someone you have not seen for a while? Just reach out and touch someone. And today we are at the most devastating stage of impersonalization: blogs, email, and cell phones. Why find out how someone is doing by actually talking to them and possibly praying for them? You can just read about their dillemas on a blog!.

The tragedy in this tale is that no one realizes what they are doing until an incident hits someone. I truly hope that we can all see how this is not the proper way to live our lives. If we want to help shape the world, we need to physically visit someone that needs a smile. A laugh. A prayer. Because if we don't go out of our way for others anymore, we become like the characters in Jesus's parable where no one helped the man robbed on the road until the Samaritan came along. We only look to our own hearts without realizing how much bigger our hearts can be if we would take time out of lives and carry another person's heart...

Watch out, Phantom! Brian is taking your place!

Part 3

Instead of studying much needed calculus and sociology, I played too much basketball at the University of Illinois at Chicago. This picture shows the result of what ignoring your studies for trivial pursuits and playing basketball with high octaned mooded Asians gets you. A scar on your face. You probably can't tell since I've been negligent with the sunblock. Wow. My hair was whack back then! Moral of this story: take care of business before gorging on pleasures.

E Pluribus Unum

Part 2 of an ongoing series that will establish moments in my life that helped transform me into who I am today. This is also a sort of homage to the home I have lived in since 1992. My family will be moving to West Chicago next Friday, August 12th 2005.

"E Pluribus Unum"

For those who barely know me, I just want to start off this daily exploration with this fact: I graduated June 1996 from Streamwood High School. The picture that you see is a graduation picture from Northern Illinois University, December 2004. Yes. I did take that long to graduate from college. It may seem cool at first to be like the Filipino Van Wilder, but let me be the first to tell you that it really is not. This picture is like Michaelangelo's "Mona Lisa". You can't tell if I am smiling out of utter joy and accomplishment or just plain relief from overcoming the years of mental and physical struggles. May it not be the latter!

To graduate from school is a great feat especially for someone that changed majors three times. Physics entering University of Illinois at Chicago. Sophomore year I was Electrical Engineering. And then when I transferred to Northern, I changed it to Mechanical Engineering. I never considered the academic aspect of school to be the challenge. On the contrary, I feel that it was the inner conflicts that caused many a fall towards success. There were so many diversities within my thoughts that I had no idea how to converge them into a whole. And then this phrase came to mind: E Pluribus Unum. Out of the many, one. There was an absolut way to escape the deluge. Faith through perserverance, prayers, friends, family, and most importantly the Divine.

Outgoing

Part 1 of a series of looking back 10 years ago as an homage of living in my house in Bartlett. My family and I will be moving to a bigger home next Friday. This scrapbook is intended to demonstrate events that took place in my life that transformed me into who I am now...







"Outgoing"

There she is. She being the girl I had a crush on in Junior High and there I was, taking a snapshot of her while she was talking to her mom about cooking dinner for her family. I had met her formally through a friend, whom I consider as a brother, Nestor. I then begun a journey to date this girl because I had found the one I truly love (high school was the origin of much naivity). After two years of pursuit, I finally was able to be in that moment of catching the smile that alluded me for what seemed like an eternity.

Two weeks later. Yes. Only two weeks of dating/talking. It was over. Fin. Caput. Game over. I was devastated. However, I will never forget what she said why she had to end our relationship:

"I need someone that is more outgoing."

I really took those words to heart and into college. After several years of trying to master being outgoing, I tried a different approach... going out of my way for others. And that folks, is why I don't mind going out on a limb for the people around me and the people I don't even know. It started with a breakup, but was pieced together through faith and perserverance...

5:30 a.m.

I love that glowing sun rise out from the fluff of clouds and how it just feels when I first step out my house. The warmth that the air gradually transforms to because it compromises its ambience; its steady state. How I love that sun rise in Hawaii, but all that beauty a long meadow and league away could not stand in her presence. For home is not therefore a place. No. It is a steady state. A state of when it doesn't matter what time it is or where you belong. Its finding that peace in a brief passing or a casual chat. I struggle to call this place home, but I now know how it really looks and how it really touches. The family that is always growing. The friends who I have known, but always seems to be going. The one I want to care for, but I'll never be showing. All these components have become the essence of what home is for me. At least, that's what I say when it hits 5:30 in the morning...

The Playground

I stand cold and lifeless on the shadowed concrete, but my shadow stands with me. I see all the other kids around me and think to myself, "What is wrong with me? Why do I not belong?" I later go to the far corner of the playground and wait with despair so that the recess will ring and we all go inside. When will that bell ring for me...

Dear Mr. Golb,
I have good news for you. I can finally say that I am well on my way to this place called, 'Adventure'. I have never been there before since that fateful day on that playground. How I watch as kids with better toys than me would place their heartfelt imagination within the plastic and metal. Then wanting to belong and to be captivated in their imagination, I stole with no regard of decency. The desire to belong dictated how I felt about everything. You can say I feel this way now, my old friend.

I see how everyone is advancing in their lives and I play a small role in their lives. 'There goes that nice guy, J.J.' Or 'That J.J. is a swell person'. Let me tell you, Mr. Golb how I desperately want to shed that layer of who I am. For you see, I want to be a romantic. Not the kind of romantic that woos women with musical lyrics or fancy materialism. No. I want the romance that the heart really longs for. The need to feel that my part in this grand story of life is larger than who I am right now. If it means the sacrifice of friends, then so be it. I now see how they are trying to play their part in this tale and I am just watching them. No longer. I truly need to go through the winding wood where the wind of change howls eerily at first, but then transforms to a sweet whistling. I hope to see you there, Mr. Golb. Where the sun shines bright in the day and even brighter in my heart. I don't know what to expect there, but all I know is that I want to join you. Even if it means leaving that which is comfortable and familiar behind...

The Road Before Us

"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way."

-J.R.R. Tolkien